


Dear Scorpio Magazine (I Miss You)

by lesbians



Category: Doki Doki Literature Club! (Visual Novel)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Child Abuse, F/F, Friends to Lovers, LIKE RLLY SLOW THEY DONT TALK FOR AT LEAST THE FIRST SIX CHAPTERS, Sayori has Two Moms, Self Harm, Slow Burn, Slow To Update, Trans Female Character, Trans Natsuki, if any of u trapsuki stans read this im obligated to pee on ur computer
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-02
Updated: 2018-11-26
Packaged: 2019-06-20 09:49:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15531636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lesbians/pseuds/lesbians
Summary: It starts when she’s young.Her mom died when she was four, which is right around the time her dad started drinking. She learned how to make pancakes at age five and cooked full meals, three times a day, at age six.She was alone.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> BIG OL TW: child abuse + mentions of self harm

It starts when she’s young.

Her mom died when she was four, which is right around the time her dad started drinking. She learned how to make pancakes at age five and cooked full meals, three times a day, at age six.

She was alone.

Looking back on it, she misses those days. Misses using the school bus that she watches from her window as a makeshift time system before she knew how to read the grandfather clock in the hallway. Misses watching cooking shows all day and making her own breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Misses when her dad was gone all day and she only saw him when he threw up in the morning.

At age nine, she left the house while he was gone for the first time. She went to the library across the street and took a bag full of graphic novels home, not knowing that she was stealing. She taught herself to read through those pictures, and eventually got through two or more a day. By her tenth birthday, she had read every manga she owned a million times.

She learned how to dye her hair with the kool-aid packets her dad left in a grocery bag on the counter, next to her “ingredients” (which had slowly boiled down to some white bread, a few fruits or veggies, and an occasional snack food). It’s bright pink, but it makes her feel... special. Like the girls in her books.

Her dad doesn’t notice.

She’s outgrown all of her clothes, but her dad’s never around to notice anymore. She walks around the house in his shirts with a belt tied around the waist, so it looks like a dress. She’s decided she wants to be special forever, with her makeshift dresses and pink kool-aid hair. Pretty forever.

She gets hit for the first time.

“I’m so sorry,” he apologizes. “Don’t tell anyone, please,” he begs while applying an ice pack to her cheek. 

Who would she tell? She promises she won’t anyways. He promises he’ll stay home more, maybe if he worked the night shift at work and stopped going to the bar. So he makes arrangements.

He sees her in her shirt-dress and pulls her hair so hard she falls over, then goes to the bar anyways.

“Boys don’t do that,” is all he says when he comes back. “We’ll get you some new clothes.”

She gets new clothes, weird-fitting clothes that make her feel icky and bad. He has to go back to his original work shift due to budget cuts and she goes back to wearing his shirts, only now they smell different and give her a headache.

She goes to school at age twelve, and her dad teaches her how to use long sleeves and band-aids to hide the marks he gives her. She hides her face in a book at every opportunity, not caring about the bad grades she’s getting on papers or the way the other kids stick up their noses at her. She cares about the fact that this girl in her story just got transported to another world via library-book-teleportation and now has two different love interests.

Her dad hits her nose so hard it breaks and they have to reset it. The girl in her book is staying at Love Interest A’s palace until she can get back home. 

She’s excelling in art but failing her math class. The girl’s friend finds her way to the other world and falls in love with Love Interest B.

Her dad makes her uncomfortable in a weird way. The main protagonist and her friend go back to their dimension and promise to return soon.

She’s done with the book by November first.

————————————————

“Natsuki, listen. We know that you’re a loner and stuff, but we gotta warn you about the new girl in school.” Natsuki barely looks up from her book. 

“There’s no new girl,” she states.

“Not yet. She’s transferring in next Monday.” She sighs and puts down her manga, looking up at the other girls talking to her.

“Fine. What is it?”

“Well, you know how you’re kinda weird?” Ouch. She ignores it and nods. “Well, Yuri- that’s her name; she’s, like, mega-weird.”

“That’s okay,” Natsuki says, going back to her book. The girls share a knowing look that make her feel small and lean in.

“She self harms,” one of them whispers. Natsuki blinks.

“Like, she cuts herself. On purpose.” The other girl flips her hair. “Plus, she’s like super goth and creepy, so that’s another weird thing.” 

They say a few more things before walking away, looking for more gossip to share, but Natsuki doesn’t hear them. She’s too busy thinking of how Yuri hurts herself on purpose while she’s busy trying to ice the bruises from her dad. She thinks Yuri must be hurting way too much emotionally to WANT to feel pain.

When the girl with long, purple hair shows up to school on Monday and spends all of lunchtime reading in a corner, Natsuki wants nothing more than to tell her it will all be okay.

But instead, she just stares.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sayori had not moved once in her life. At the ripe old age of nine, her sister turned eighteen and decided to run off to America. 
> 
> Sayori’s home had felt more important to her than anything else since then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for talk about medication and inpatient care this chapter! Sorry it’s so short bbbb

1st Breakdown: May 22nd, 20XX  
* 10:05 AM  
* No medication taken  
* Nine years old  
* Potential Factors: sister moved to the US, mother often sick, other mother always working   
* Inpatient Time: two nights

3rd Breakdown: July 4th, 20XX  
* Around 6:30 PM  
* On Fluoxetine (Prozac) for a previous incident  
* Nine years old  
* Potential Factors: medication wasn’t working properly  
* Inpatient Time: three weeks

10th Breakdown: October 1st, 20XX  
* Around 11:00 PM  
* On Escitalopram (Lexapro)  
* 12 years old   
* Potential Factors: stress, ???  
* Inpatient Time: one week

12th Breakdown: January 4th, 20XX  
* 2-3:00 AM  
* The patient was taking Sertraline (Zoloft), but was coming off of it on her own accord (no doctor recomm.)  
* 13 years old  
* Potential Factors: off medication, going to move in two months, hormonal issues  
* Inpatient time: seven weeks

FINAL REPORT FROM X͙̰̤͙͇̔̿͛ͧ͊ͮ͠͞ͅX̵͙̣͕̦͔̟̬ͥ́̑͊̐ͧͥX̵̸̤͔̞͍ͫͭ̊ͅX̻̳͙̹̮͈͍ͣ̿ͧ̀́̈́̍ͯ͠ ̄̍ͧͯ͏͖̠̮̭̪͚͈͈͉Ẋ̢̲̜͢X͔͕̣̘̊X̏ͨ͏͇͉͍X̡̠͚̗̹̤͇̞̂̍́ͅ ̢̞̜͈͈̘̹͕͖̋ͦ̀ Ẍ͈̝̦̯̩̪̳̺̫̓͋̂́ͮ̄͘͘X̸ͣ̌̈́͏̷͙̩̯͕͈̜̘ͅͅX̬̥̲̣̐͠X̔̒̉ͯ͑̾̽ͨ͏҉͍̲͢X̠̬̜̥̞̰̹ͨ̈ͅX̡̤̹͉̬͕̟̯ͣ̊͗̐̈͠X̶͕͖̫̼̻̽̈͗ͥͤͩͅ HOSPITAL:

Sayori [REDACTED] has been diagnosed Major Depressive Disorder and General Anxiety Disorder since the age of nine. She has been sent to our inpatient facility a total of seven times, and has reportedly experienced other instances where she was not sent to the hospital. She attends a weekly therapy session at her pediatrician’s office. Patient has shown signs of Borderline Personality Disorder.

 

FORWARD TO [R̨̛͒̂ͪ̿̏̄ͨ͋͋ͨ̽̀̽̊͆͊ͤ̕Ȅ͆̐̌͏͏Ḑ̸̴̐ͥ̄͗ͬͬĄ̧͗̉͑̇C̷̡͐̌̎ͪ̚͜T̴̀ͩ̃̄̀͌̆ͫͧ͟͠Ę̶͂̓̉̓͒͑ͨͦ̕͟D̨́̿̿͊̈́̌̀̑̓͂͆̿̄̚͘] 

————————————————

Sayori had not moved once in her life. Mama was always too sick, and Mommy didn’t want to lose her job at the bakery. At the ripe old age of nine, her sister turned eighteen and decided to run off to America to be with her friends. Sayori’s home had felt more important to her than anything else since then.

But then Mommy lost her job (even though she worked so hard to keep it and Sayori wanted to rip her hair out when she found out dummydummyDUMMY) and their house got evicted and Sayori had to spend some more time in that hospital but for much longer this time because she did a real bad thing (that she can’t remember doing) which just cost MORE money so Mama had to use her emergency money that they saved for relapses with her heart and now they were moving to a smaller, quieter, neighborhood and a house no stairs and they couldn’t even bring her cat so she had to sell it and she felt so BAD but she just kept taking her meds and silently swore to stay good until things settled.

The pills did make her happier. She didn’t get blank and sad anymore, but they did make her hands shake a little and sometimes she talked so much but she didn’t know if that was a side effect of the medicine or just her brain having too many words and not enough time. Either way she always kind of freaked people out at her old school because they knew about her lows but only saw her highs, the hyperactivity and long sentences. She also silently swore to make friends at her new school. Maybe having people her age to talk to would make it harder for her to get low.

She’d try. For her moms.

————————————————

“Hi. I’m Natsuki. I’m supposed to show you around today.” Sayori blinked and looked down at the girl with pink hair. She licked her lips nervously and stuck out her hand.

“Hiya! I’m Sayori. I’m new.” The girl gave her a confused look and shook her hand. Sayori winced. “Oh, yeah, you probably knew that I was new, huh? Sorry.”

“S’okay. You don’t need to apologize.” She looked down at her clipboard. “So, uh, we have the same schedules and stuff, which is why I’m your first day buddy. Maths is first, then Literature, then Chem, then we’ll break for lunch in the caf, and then we have Art and History as our last blocks. You got all that?”

Sayori nodded determinately, and Natsuki smiled- just a little, as if it would hurt her to smile any wider.

“I like your hair dye,” Sayori whispered to her during Arithmetic. “Pink is my favorite color.” L

“It’s just Kool-Aid,” she admitted. “...I like the color purple.” Sayori smiled widely at her. 

“Can we sit together during lunch?” She asked. Natsuki rolled her eyes.

“Uh, yeah, obviously. I’m showing you around, remember?” 

“Well, sure, but as friends?” Natsuki blinked at her, eyes wide.

“Natsuki!” The professor scolded. “Would you care to share with the class?” Natsuki stiffened and turned back to her work.

“No, Miss. Sorry, Miss.” A handful of students giggled, and the teacher’s face softened a bit.

“That’s alright. Just don’t let me catch that happening again.”

Sayori couldn’t help but feel her stomach warm with the feeling of comfort. Natsuki just took a hit for her! They’d be friends for sure!

————————————————

“Yeah, I guess I spent a lot of my time in inpatient. It’s kinda weird to think about,” Sayori mumbled. Natsuki nodded, chewing her food.

“That’s gotta be rough,” she said.

“Yeah. It’s okay, though. I promised myself I would get better here.” The pink-haired girl nodded. “So, where are your friends? Are they here yet?” Natsuki shook her head.

“No, I don’t really-....” she cut herself off, eyes wide. She blinked at something before burying her face into the manga she had near her lunch tray, then slowly peeked over the pages. Sayori followed her gaze to a girl with long, purple hair.

“Is that one of your friends?” She asked. Natsuki nodded.

“No.” Sayori opened her mouth. “Shh, shh. Don’t say anything.”

The two girls waited in silence until the girl smiled at a group of students and sat at their table. Natsuki’s face was flushed read when she put the book down. Sayori’s mouth formed a surprised ‘o’ before she smiled knowingly.

“Ooooooohhh, you like her, huh?” Natsuki flushed deeper.

“Who?! Yuri?! No! I mean- I don’t even know- No!!!” She sputtered. Sayori giggled. “Oh, buzz off.”

“...Her hair is purple,” she pointed out. Natsuki gave her a confused look, brow knit and pupils blown.

“I know.” Sayori shook her head.

“It’s your favorite color.”

Natsuki’s eyes glazed over for a second, and she subconsciously twirled one of her pigtails. Sayori patiently waited for her response.

“Yeah,” she finally said. “It is.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Monika is in love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for impliiied abusive/manipulative relationship ahead? it’s nothing explicit yet i swear i can’t write abt that stuff in detail it’s gross

Monika is in love.

There’s a boy in her class with dark, shaggy hair who always looks a little disheveled. It’s freshman year, but all of the teachers recognize him, so he must be older than her. When he looks her way, she gets a rush of excitement, an overwhelming adrenaline rush unlike anything she’s ever felt before. She blushes and turns away, smiling to herself.

She’s always been the model student for her class. Since the sixth grade, she’s been class president. Her music teacher has given her an award these past two years for “best pianist,” and she’s never gotten less than straight A’s. She was, though she’d never say it out loud, the perfect girl. 

Even through her parent’s divorce over the summer, she stayed strong and straight-forward for every second of it. For every night her mother came to sleep in her bed instead of with her father, every fight that ended in tears, every silent dinner and straight through the court case, she stuck on a smile and promised everyone it would all turn out okay in the end. 

But this feeling was new. This feeling was dangerous.

His name is Ranmaru. He stayed back last year because of behavioral issues, so he was a first year like Monika, only he was sixteen and she was fifteen. 

“Hey, you play piano right?” He asks her during homeroom one morning. She’s lining up her pencils when he starts talking to her. His hip just barely bumps her desk, and one of the pencils goes slightly askew. Her heart flutters.

“Um. Yes,” she says, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “How did you know?” He shrugs.

“I heard you playing after school yesterday,” he says with a crooked smile. “You’re really good.” He lowers his voice to say the last part, as if she was the only one in the room allowed to hear this compliment. Her mouth goes dry.

“Oh! Thank you!” She says, clearing her throat, and- yep, her face is definitely going red if the way her cheeks feel like they’re one fire is any indication of it. 

“Listen, we’re short one musician for our band. We need at least four members to play at the dance next month.” He raises his brows. “Wanna join?”

“Um.” She never goes to school dances. She’s always taken the time to study on Friday nights. “...yes. I would love to.” 

“Awesome,” he says, smiling wide. “Practice is in the gymnasium right after school, so you’ll have to cancel any dates you have. I’m sure a girl like you has plenty to spare,” he says with a wink before turning away and walking to his desk.

Yep. She was in love, all right.

“Who’s the girl?” A boy with drumsticks says. She’s sitting next to Ranmaru on a piano bench. 

“Hey, cool it,” he says, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. “This is Monika. She’s with me.” 

Monika feels a blush heat her cheeks as she waves shyly at the rest of the group. The boy with drumsticks gives Ranmaru a funny look, to which he shoots back with a single raised brow, smile never faltering as he looks at Monika from the corner of his eye. She feels so, so special.

“How was school today?” Her mom asks over dinner. Monika shrugs.

“Good.” She takes a bite of her food. “I met a boy. He wants me to play in his band during the dance in a couple of weeks.”

“That sounds lovely,” her mother says. “...Is he cute?” Monika flushes red and glares at her. She giggles.

“He’s alright,” Monika says after a little bit, smiling to herself. “Just alright. Nothing special.”

He kisses her in the janitor’s closet. In addition to it being her first time skipping class, it’s also her first kiss. It’s not nearly as romantic as she’d hoped, what with the smell of mildew and the way Ranmaru has to bend down to reach her lips, but she still sees stars and he still takes her breath away, so it’s alright.

He leans his forehead against hers afterwards, the electricity between them strong enough to start a fire. Monika smiles at him, pushing him off smugly and opening the door, taking in the slightly cooler and fresher air. He grabs her waist, maybe a little too tightly, and kisses her once again before the bell rings.

“Don’t leave me again,” he says. Her brow furrows in confusion as her looks at her with hurt in his eyes. She nods and agrees. 

“I won’t.” 

The bell rings.

They lock hands to walk down the hallway now, and Monika calls him by his first name. He came over for practice a few nights ago, and the realization that he was using an excuse to meet her mother makes her buzz with excitement. They were official. 

“Monika,” he says, leaning down for their good-morning kiss. “I got someone to backup for you at the dance.” She blinks.

“What? Why?” He chuckles.

“In case you get sick, ya big dummy.” She frowns and playfully hits his shoulder. “But I really just want her to be there to play a slow song,” he takes her by the waist and starts swaying them back and forth. “So we can dance.” 

She giggles and pushes his hands off of her, nodding. She misses the way his eyes flash with anger for a moment- just a split second; when his arms hang loosely by his sides.

“Who is it?” She asks.

“What?” His tone is gruff.

“The other girl. Who is she?”

“Oh,” he says, seemingly relaxing. “Uh, that goth chick with the purple hair. I think you guys are friends?”

“Yuri?” He nods. “We have science together. I didn’t know she played.” 

“Yeah,” he says. “You don’t know a lot, I guess.” He walks away. 

Monika feels horrible, suddenly.

“Are you and Ranmaru going to the dance as each other’s dates?” Her mother asks. She takes a sip of her tea and shrugs.

“I guess so. He hasn’t really mentioned it.” Her mom frowns.

“Did you two have a fight?” 

“No.” It’s not a lie. Ranmaru has just been more distant lately. “...He’s saving a dance for me.” 

“That’s wonderful!” She exclaims. “Oh, I’m so excited for you! My little girl is all grown up!” Monika smiles half-heartedly and nods.

“Did I do something wrong?” She asks him. He shrugs. “Can you tell me what’s going on?”

“No,” he says. “You wouldn’t get it.”

“Do you love me?” She asks.

“Do you?”

He walks away sullenly before she can respond. 

Yes, she decides, she loves him. But she’s not sure if that’s a good thing anymore.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuri’s made some big steps in her recovery, and she’s finally figuring out who she is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is so short! i had no idea where to go with it :(

Two years clean this March.

It was the longest she’d ever gone, and she couldn’t help but feel extraordinarily proud of herself. 

There had been close calls, of course. Nights when the paranoia got really bad, or random triggers coming up in her novels, things like that. But she’d gotten through it all. 

She’d reacquainted herself with life before things got all messy. Made friends, picked up writing and piano- some songs still came out choppy, but she’d learned how to read sheet music eventually, and that helped a lot; had weekly appointments with her therapist, set three meal reminders a day on her phone, and threw away her knife collection. 

(That last step was the hardest. She had a material attachment to her collection, but she ultimately came to the conclusion that the cons outweighed the pros of keeping it in her house.)

She was happy. She felt normal, and expressive, and free. She just needed a little more help than others when it came down to it.

Two years clean.

Which would lead to three years, which would lead to five, which would lead to ten, and, eventually, the whole experience would be a disturbing but distant memory. She would forget about it. She wouldn’t need as much help. Wouldn’t break down because of a scene in a fictional story. Wouldn’t have to warn any potential partners about her old “problem.”

Not that there were many potential partners, of course. I mean, there was no denying that some of the boys stared at her for a bit too long in the hallways. She wasn’t dumb. She knew that she was a person of interest for a lot of boys. She just didn’t pursue any of them.

Even the times her friends tried to set her up with someone, she didn’t enjoy it. She’d had two boyfriends over the span of her entire freshman year, and she dumped them both within the first month. 

She’d come to terms with the very real possibility that she could be a lesbian.

The only other person that knew about this (besides her diary) was her therapist.

“Have you ever been attracted to a girl?” She’d asked her.

“Um... not exactly,” she said. “I’ve had... I’m just more drawn to them than boys, I think. I’ve never had a crush on anyone, though.”

“Haven’t you had boyfriends?” Yuri shifted uncomfortably.

“Well, yes, but...” she struggled to find the right words. “I didn’t like them. I only dated them because my friends wanted me to.”

She wrote something down on her clipboard, most likely about Yuri caving in to peer pressure too easily again. 

“Does the idea of being gay make you feel bad or anything?” She hummed thoughtfully and went quiet for a moment.

“...No,” she finally said. “It’s just been on my mind a lot lately.”

“Alright, then. Let me know if you notice any cute girls,” her therapist said with a playful smile before glancing over to the clock. “We have about twenty minutes left. Do you have anything else you’d like to talk to me about this week?”

Two years clean, and she was finally discovering herself.

There was a girl with pink hair that always snuck glances at her during lunch. She knew from typical school gossip and a few unfortunate conversations with some ignorant upperclassmen that her name was Natsuki, and that she was a trans girl. They’d never had a full conversation before, at least not one that Yuri could remember. They attended the same middle school, but that was before... yeah. That was before.

Yuri dyed her hair purple before transferring schools a few years back. She’d kept it that way ever since. It made her feel special, unique, pretty.

But pink hair was definitely prettier.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “An advice column,” she says. 
> 
> “It’s a good concept, but we don’t have enough of a crew yet to publish a newspaper, let alone an advice column.”
> 
> “What if I found recruits?” Yuri asks. 
> 
> The teacher stares at her for a moment, gaze hard. She sighs.
> 
> “You really want this?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw for... angry dad towards the end and... kind of transphobia? natsuki isn’t out to her dad and he refers to her as a gay man. just wanna make sure i get the right warnings out lol

“Ugghh,” Sayori groaned, resting her head on the desk. “When you said ‘Can I come over to study,’ this is not what I expected.” Natsuki stared blankly at her, pencil no longer moving in her hand.

“... Why didn’t you expect to study?” She asked, deadpan.

“Becauuuuuse,” Sayori drew out. “Girls like us don’t just ‘study’ when we study together. We have fun. We watch movies, and we dance to pop songs, and then we fail our tests because we were too busy having a good time to actually study.”

“Girls like us?” Natsuki asked, raising a brow. “You mean the girls who sit alone at lunch and laugh at the art teacher’s terrible jokes?” Sayori nodded. “So... dorks. You’re talking about dorks, right?”

“Oh, zip it,” Sayori huffed. “Can we seriously take a break, though? We’ve been at this for hours.”

“One,” Natsuki corrected. “We’ve been at this for one hour. And both of us are barely passing math right now, so we need to study.”

“Please?” Sayori asking, pouting. Natsuki glared at her and sighed.

“Fine,” she grumbled. Sayori squealed and pumped a fist in the air out of sheer victory. “Don’t do that.” The fist was lowered. 

“So... wanna watch a movie?” 

“No,” Natsuki said, already pulling the latest addition of Parfait Girls out of her backpack.

“Aww, no fair!” Sayori whined. “You’re gonna take a break from school to read?” Natsuki hummed and opened her book. “Whatever,” she grumbled. “I’ll read too, I guess.”

As she was standing up to begrudgingly retrieve the offending book, her flip phone began to ring. She fished it out of her pocket and stared at the incoming number. It rang a second time. A third. Natsuki glanced up at her friend with a look of confusion.

“Aren’t you going to get that?” She asked. Sayori blinked.

“It’s my sister,” she said, softly.

“You have a sister?” No response. The phone rings a sixth time. One more and the call will drop. “Pick it up, Sayori!” The other girl snaps out of her shocked state and quickly flips open the phone.

“Hello?” A voice rings out. Sayori gulps, clearly nervous.

“Um... hi,” she says. “Your accent is funny.” It’s in this moment that Natsuki realizes how personal this must be, and busies herself with reading her manga.

“Thanks,” the voice chuckles out. “It’s been a while, huh?”

“A few months,” Sayori says. “You, uh... you get a job yet?” 

“That’s actually why I’m calling,” her sister says. “Is Mama there?” 

“She’s resting right now, but I’ll tell her later.” She flops down on the bed. “What did you end up stuck with?” She asks.

“Um... that’s the thing. I can’t find one.” She laughs half-heartedly. “I need you guys to send money again.” Sayori sits up.

“...Are you joking?”

“No,” she says. “Rent is coming up soon, and I’ve run out of the last you sent. It’s been really difficult-“

“Yeah?!” Sayori snaps. “Hasn’t been too great here, either. Mommy lost her job. We had to move.” 

“Sayori, I’m-“

“Oh, and by the way, high school is going great, thanks for asking!” She’s standing up again. “I haven’t had any lows since the year started, and I made a friend, and I’m working hard at staying good!” She spins on her heel. “Mama got a new job, but it’s not paying as well, and we had to sell Fluffy, and Mommy has to rest a lot more than normal because we used all of her emergency money on YOU and the move!” Her voice is filled with emotion. “I’m sorry if this is a lot to dump on you, but you haven’t called since June, so you wouldn’t know if money is tight, right?”

“...Sayori,” the voice says. “I’m so sorry. I really appreciate that you’re trying so hard, though. I’m proud of you. But you have to understand that things have been hard for me.”

“Oh, I’m sure. Do you know how fast I had to grow up when you left? I was just a little kid. It’s not fair. Why weren’t-“ her voice breaks, and she takes a deep breath. “... Why weren’t we as important as your friends? Why wasn’t I?”

“... It wasn’t like that,” she protested. “I’m sorry that you had to go through everything you did. But I don’t regret moving here.” There was a pause. “... I was actually hoping you could visit me over vacation?” Sayori scoffed.

“Good luck,” she said, voice watery. “I’ll talk to you in a few months.”

She clapped the phone back shut and collapsed on her bed. She was silent for just a few beats before breaking down entirely, rubbing at her eyes with her palms and sobbing. Natsuki placed her book down on the desk and walked over to her friend, sitting next to her on the bed. Sayori sniffed.

“I’m sorry you had to see that,” she said. Natsuki shrugged.

“S’okay,” she said. “I didn’t hear much. I tried not to listen.” Sayori nodded. 

“Thank you for that.” 

“Of course,” Natsuki said. “Hey, you wanna watch a movie? I don’t really feel like studying anymore.”

“God, you’re the best,” Sayori said. “Yeah, that’d be great.”

————————————————

“Um... I’m here for rehearsal?” A soft voice said. Monika looked up.

“Oh, hi, Yuri!” She called out, waving her over. “You’re in the right place. We haven’t started yet.”

“Yeah, because Ranmaru’s late again,” a boy sitting at the drums grumbled. Monika tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear. 

“He’s changing out of his uniform,” she explained as Yuri sat down next to her on the piano bench. “Says it doesn’t feel right playing with it on.”

“He’s probably just trying to impress you, Monika,” another guy teased. “Gonna show up in ripped jeans and a tight shirt so you’re distracted the whole time.”

“Grooooss,” Monika laughed. She turned to Yuri. “So, how long have you been playing?”

“Not long,” Yuri admits. “Maybe a year?” Monika smiles.

“That’s alright. I’ve been taking lessons since I was seven, so I can teach you a few tricks,” she says with a wink. Yuri nods, falling easily into the rhythm of casual conversation as Monika began to show her a simplified version of the opening song.

Ranmaru showed up soon after that, not in the outfit previously described, but in a clean band t-shirt and shorts. He smiled when he saw Monika, walking over and kissing her forehead. She smiled back at him, her eyes lighting up as she reached down to squeeze his hand. 

“Hey,” she said, soft enough so only someone right next to her could hear. “We good?” Ranmaru glanced briefly at Yuri, who was too focused on looking over the sheet music to be listening. He grinned.

“We’re golden, baby,” he whispered before standing up. “Alright, enough messing around! As you may have noticed, we have a new member,” he said, gesturing to Yuri. She waved. “Yuri’s going to be Monika’s understudy for the dance.”

“Why does she get an understudy but we don’t?” One of the guys protests. Ranmaru rolls his eyes.

“Because. You’re my understudy, and I wanna save a dance for Monika,” he said, as if it was obvious. Monika’s cheeks flushed. “Anyways! Same stuff as always, only Monika’s gonna spend this practice catching Yuri up, so we’ll play without piano. Sound good, ladies?” He asks, flashing the pair a thumbs up. They both nod, and Monika can’t help but grin at him. It feels like it’s been so long since he was really, genuinely happy. 

They get to work pretty quickly. It’s clear that Monika is seriously dedicated to piano, that it’s not just a hobby to her like Yuri sees it. But that doesn’t mean she can’t learn from her. In fact, the opposite is true. In addition to being a great pianist, Monika turns out to be really good at teaching. They’d practiced for nearly two hours before Yuri jumped up, yelping.

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry!” She says. “I have to go, I’m late for a meeting!” Monika frowns.

“Meeting?” Yuri laughs nervously as she slings her bag over her shoulder. 

“Yeah, school newspaper. I’m trying to get a column in.” She glances at the boys, who are mid-song. “I don’t want to interrupt...”

“Just go, I’ll tell them,” Monika says, smiling kindly. “Good luck at your meeting! See you tomorrow!”

Yuri waves goodbye and rushes out of the auditorium.

————————————————

“An advice column,” she says. 

“It’s a good concept,” the frazzled teacher says. “But, unfortunately, we don’t have enough of a crew yet to publish a newspaper, let alone an advice column.”

“What if I found recruits?” Yuri asks. 

“Honey, if people wanted to join, they would’ve by now. We’ve got posters up, and yet...” she trails off. Yuri’s brow furrows.

“They’re black and white,” she says softly. The teacher blinks.

“Excuse me?”

“The posters,” Yuri explains. “They’re black and white. I noticed one, but only because I read everything on the school billboard in the morning. In comparison to the flashy posters for drama and sports, the newspaper club ones are... kind of bland?” She winces. “No offense. I just think we could go bolder. Use color, make morning announcements about the club, that kind of thing, y’know? And I could probably get some of my friends to join, as well.” 

The teacher stares at her for a moment, gaze hard. She sighs.

“You really want this?”

Yuri thinks about the bad place she’s been in these past couple years. How she wanted more than anything to tell someone without having to face the consequences. Get help without being judged for it. Of course, that was necessary for what she was dealing with, but she wanted to help people in the same way others did to her. She nods determinedly. The teacher nods.

“Alright. We have a deal.”

————————————————

Monika is waiting outside the library when she’s done, seemingly getting started on her homework. She looks up at Yuri with a bright expression.

“Hey,” Yuri says. “What are you doing here?” Monika begins to pack up her work.

“I was waiting for you. Ranmaru wants us to go over some stuff before tomorrow,” she explains. “Plus, I figured I’d ask how things went! Did your column pitch work?”

“Um... kind of?” The two girls begin to make their way through the hallways. “I have to get more people to join. Apparently I’m the only student who’s shown interest in doing this so far, and I can’t really run an advice column with no newspaper, y’know?” 

“I could join!” Monika says, cheerily. “Just as long as it doesn’t interfere with band practice!” 

“I think the committee is supposed to meet after normal practices anyways,” Yuri says. “Sports and all that.” Monika hums. “... Would you really join, though?” She nods.

“Sure. It’ll look great on college applications,” she says, grinning. “No harm in trying, right?”

“Yeah,” Yuri says, smiling.

————————————————

“Dad.”

His gaze is sharp. He’s fully sober. Dangerous and angry.

“What are you wearing?” He asks.

“It’s... the girl’s uniform,” she says, softly. “It was a joke. That’s all.”

“... Are you gay?” He asks. Her heart sinks. She shakes her head.

“No. I swear, it was just a prank, Dad.” His fists clench, and she’s all too aware of it. “... What are you doing home so early?”

“They moved my lunch break from one to three,” he says, eyes not moving from her legs. 

It’s not like the skirt is overly feminine, or anything. It’s not pleated, and it goes down below her knees. It’s a bit uneven, and she’s so scared that if he stares too long he’ll notice that it’s hand-sewn. But he doesn’t.

“Go to your room,” he says, quietly. “Don’t come out until I’m gone. Do you understand?”

“Yes, sir,” she says, practically running up the stairs.

————————————————

“You want us to do what?!” Sayori shrieks. Natsuki sighs.

“You’re overreacting. It’s just an after school activity.” Sayori sighs.

“You’re missing the point, Nat! Activities aren’t fun. They’re showy things, like sports and band and...” she shivers. “Drama.” Natsuki rolls her eyes. “I don’t like having all those eyes on me.”

“Then we’ll pick something out that’s not showy, yeah?” Sayori shrugs. “Look. We’re not doing great academically. First year art isn’t going to get us into a college. We need SOME extracurricular.” She skims over the billboard. “Here, look. School newspaper. How’s that sound?”

“Boring,” Sayori says.

“So you’d prefer drama?” She asks, raising a brow. Sayori gasps.

“You wouldn’t.”

“Watch me.” 

She reads over the poster, reluctantly trying to find something interesting. Maybe she could do a gossip section. That wouldn’t suck entirely. Plus, she and Natsuki always knew what was going on with their fellow students. Perks of being alone and hearing every little thing in the lunchroom.

“Fine,” she huffs. “School newspaper here we come.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEY FOLKS this is right where this story stops being close to canon and turns into a full on au. i’m trying to keep the characters true to their nature but the pacing and settings are much different than in the game!


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pink and lavender eyes were interlocked, staring into each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> very light tws: sickness (as in like hospital stuff), manipulation, implied abuse, and monika being an Astrology Girl. Sorry that it’s so late btw!! I don’t have an excuse lol

Pink hair.

Purple hair.

Pink eyes.

Lavender eyes.

Pink and lavender eyes that were interlocked, staring into each other with uncalled-for shock. 

“Oh! You both have cool hair!” A light voice exclaimed. Natsuki looked over to see a girl with long, brown hair setting down a stack of papers on the table. She waved at her politely. “I’m Monika. First year. I think I’ve seen you around before. You’ve got a face that’s hard to forget. That’s a compliment, don’t worry! Anyways. Are you here for the school newspaper?”

‘Jeez,’ Natsuki thought. ‘This girl knows how to talk a mile a minute.’

“Uh, yeah,” she said. “I have a friend who’s coming, too, but she’s running late...” Yuri cleared her throat.

“That’s all right,” she said. “We can wait for her.” Monika nodded, taking a seat and then gesturing to the empty chair next to Yuri’s.

“Make yourself comfortable,” she said. Natsuki nodded and sat down. “So. What were you thinking about writing?” She asked.

“Huh?”

“For the newspaper,” Monika clarified. “Yuri wants to run an advice column, and I’m all set to write about current events and do our editing. What about you?”

“Um...” She hadn’t really thought about that, now had she? She kind of figured newspaper club would be more like a watered-down yearbook committee. “... Short stories?”

“That’s a great idea!” Yuri said. “We could do a weekly story. Maybe tie it in with some of the current events every once in a while, so there’s a steady theme throughout the paper?” She turned to her friend. “Monika, could you-“

“Already on it,” Monika said, scribbling something down in a notebook. Natsuki crossed her arms, raising a brow.

“You guys are pretty serious about this.” Yuri smiled bashfully.

“It’s kind of a secret passion of mine. I love writing. There’s just-“

“I’m here!” The library doors slammed open, earning a very sharp glare from the lady sitting at the front desk. “Sorry, I’m a bit tardy.” Natsuki rolled her eyes.

“I was a bit tardy,” she points out. “You’re just late.” 

“Is this your friend?” Monika asks. 

“She’s my pain in the-“

“Yes,” Sayori interrupts. “Nat and I are friends. My name’s Sayori.”

“Monika,” she replies, smiling. “And, um. This is Yuri!” 

“I know Yuri,” Sayori says, slyly. Natsuki’s eyes go wide. She elbows her side not-so subtly.

“I’m sorry, I...” the violet haired girl trails off. “Have we met before?”

“Who knows? It’s a big school. Lots of students. Nice to meet you. Anyways,” she says, turning to Monika. “What’s the deal with this newspaper? Are there deadlines? Because I hate deadlines.”

Natsuki rubs her temples and groans softly. Between Sayori and Monika, she was going to have to deal with nonstop chattering every afternoon. Monika chuckles.

“Yes, there will be deadlines, unfortunately. But it’s going to be fairly flexible. I think our goal at the moment is two issues a month.” She shrugs. “Not a lot, but we’ll work our way up throughout the year.”

“Ugh. Fair enough,” Sayori grunts, flopping down in her chair. 

“What did you have in mind for your part?” Monika asks. “Yuri’s doing an advice piece, Natsuki was thinking about short stories, and I’m down for the boring stuff, current events and editing,” she finishes with a light giggle. 

“I wanna do a gossip column.” The smile drops from Monika’s face.

“Sorry?”

“A gossip column,” Sayori repeats. “We’d change names of course, but I’ve got dirt on, like, everyone.”

“That could be controversial,” Yuri rushes to say. 

“Yeah, but... okay, think about it this way,” she began. “You got the typical parts of a newspaper. Current events from Monika, advice from Yuri, short stories from Nat- kind of like comics, maybe..? But what else is there?”

“Celebrity news,” Natsuki says. Sayori nods excitedly.

“Exactly! Only, we don’t actually have ‘celebrities’ at our school, so we’ll have to work with the student body. Make sense?” Monika shrugs.

“I’m not sure,” she says. “It sounds really risky. I don’t want to shut down your idea, but do you have a backup plan?” 

“Not really,” Sayori says. “Can’t we just try it out for the first issue? It can be experimental. Pleaaaase? I promise people will love it.” 

“Well...” Monika bites her lip. “... Okay. But if we get in trouble-“

“I’m willing to take the hit,” she says. “That’s what friends do!”

“Friends?” Monika asks, softly.

“Anyways!” Natsuki interrupts.  
“Not to change the subject- even though I fully intend to;” she shoots Sayori a glare. “How is Yuri going to get questions for her advice column before we start the first issue?”

“I set up a box!” Yuri answers. “It’s just outside the front office. Um, but Monika...” she blushed a bit. “Monika put in some fake questions for the time being. Just in case no one uses the box before issue one comes out.” 

“Um... how did you design the box?” Sayori asked, warily. “Because if it’s anything like the poster for the club...”

“It’s bright purple and sitting in the center,” Yuri assured her. “Also, those posters are old. We’re designing new ones right now.”

“Cool.” Sayori bounced her leg. “Can we go check it out now?”

“It’s fine, trust me,” Monika said.

“Okay, but, also, we need a team bonding experience. I vote one that involved walking all the way across the school to see a box.”

“Right. Why is that?” Monika asked.

“Becaaaauuuuuse, I’ve been sitting and writing all day. We’re growing young adults! We need to move around!” She shook her head. “Also, I may have had too much coffee at lunch, and it’s really starting to kick in.” 

“I don’t think there’s any harm in getting to know each other,” Yuri said softly. Natsuki huffed.

“Well, I’m fully opposed to the idea. I don’t want to have to exercise any more than the bare minimum.” Sayori frowned at her.

“You just want to make my life more difficult,” she muttered. Natsuki shrugged with a grin.

“Maybe.”

“Alright, then!” Monika clasped her hands together. “A short trip down to Yuri’s box, and then we’ll do some icebreaker games when we get back.” Natsuki groaned.

“Remind me why we’re doing this again?” She whispered to Sayori.

“Now you know what I felt like,” she mumbled back. 

As it turns out, you can get a lot of conversation in with a short amount of time if Monika is involved.

“What’s your favorite class?”

Art. By far.

“Do you have a favorite book series? What about a show?”

That was easy. Parfait Girls.

“Have any of you written previously?”

Not unless it was required, ha.

“Oooh! What are your zodiac signs?” Natsuki paused.

“... Zodiac signs?” She asked.

“Yeah! Like, I’m a Virgo,” she gestured to herself. “Because my birthday is September fifth. And Yuri is a Scorpio!”

“November twentieth,” Yuri said, smiling pleasantly. Sayori flapped her hands excitedly.

“Oh, wait, I know this! I’m a Cancer!” She exclaimed. “My birthday is June thirtieth.” 

The three girls turned to Natsuki expectantly. She hadn’t really said anything out loud to contribute to the conversation yet, but THIS was something she needed to participate in?

“Um...” she rubbed her upper arm shyly. “I... don’t know? My birthday is December twenty fourth.” 

“I think you’re a Capricorn, then?” Monika said, tapping her chin. “Yes, that’s right. That’s kind of interesting, actually!”

“What‘s that supposed to mean?” Natsuki asked, leaning against the wall. If they were going to stop walking, she might as well be comfortable. 

“Well, certain signs have certain traits. Virgos are methodical, Scorpios are passionate, Cancers are empathetic, and Capricorns are...” she paused. “Um. Well... ambitious?” 

“It’s fake, then.” Natsuki said. “I’m not ambitious. And those traits can apply to anyone.” Monika frowned.

“Well... don’t shut it down right away,” she said, pulling out her phone. “Here. It says that Capricorns are also pessimistic and stubborn.” Natsuki scoffed.

“There,” she said. “THAT sounds more like me.”

A look a disapproval flashed across Yuri’s face, and she looked over Monika’s shoulder, reading from whatever astrology website they were looking at.

“‘Capricorns are known for being practical, wise, and patient.’” She said. “They have a disciplined attitude with the world.”

 

“Alright, fine. It’s perfectly accurate. There.” But I’m not gonna be as patient if we don’t start moving again soon,” she dismissed. Yuri’s brows knit, but she didn’t say anything.

“Monika,” Sayori asked as they turned a corner, reaching the front desk. “How did you know Yuri was a Scorpio?”

“Oh, well-“

“Here it is!” Yuri said, presenting the box to the group.

It was cute, wrapped in purple paper with black dots, sitting next to a notepad and pencil. Taped to the front was a sign that read:

“DEAR SCORPIO MAGAZINE:

An advice column that will be featured in our school newspaper! Write down your questions on the notepad, then fold and drop them into the box.”

“... ‘Dear Scorpio Magazine?’ I don’t get it,” Sayori said. Yuri flushed.

“Um, well, there’s this.. uh.” She toyed with the end of her hair nervously. “Um. There’s the line of dolls that they sell in the US, called American Girl Dolls. I had a pen pal when I was younger, and she told me all about them. Anyways, they created this magazine based on the dolls, and they have this advice section called ‘Dear American Girl Magazine.’ Um..” she bit her lip. “I kind of.. collected the dolls for a while when I was younger, so I just thought it’d be kind of... I don’t know, like a piece of me?” She swallowed. “Like, since I’m a Scorpio, and... yeah.” 

Sayori stared at her blankly, clearly still confused. Natsuki put a hand on her shoulder, shaking her lightly to regain her focus.

“That’s really clever,” she said. 

“I said the same thing!” Monika exclaimed. “I think it’s a great idea.”

—————————————————————

“Can we go to your house today?” Sayori asked on their way home. “I’ve never been!”

“Nah,” Natsuki said, casually. “My house is boring. We don’t have snacks or anything.” Sayori didn’t look convinced. “Plus, my dad is at work, so I’m not sure I’m allowed to have a friend over.”

“Can’t you call him?” Sayori asked.

“Probably shouldn’t call a police officer at work,” she said. “Come on, I haven’t had your mom’s cookies in forever!”

“You had them last week,” Sayori pointed out

“Forrrreeeevveerrrr,” Natsuki said, leaning against her friend with all her weight. Sayori grunted and shoved her off.

“Fine, fine,” she grumbled. “You’re acting like me. It’s weird.”

“Now you know why I’m always annoyed,” Natsuki said with a grin.

“Nat, is there...” Sayori hesitated for a moment. “... Is there something you wanna tell me about your house? Like, is everything okay there?” She caught the way Natsuki inhaled sharply through her nose, but made no comment.

“No,” she said. “Just that no one’s ever home. My mom passed away when I was really young, and my dad... well, you know about him.” Sayori didn’t look convinced at all.

“But everything’s okay?” She asked, softly.

“Everything’s fine,” Natsuki insisted, walking a few paces ahead. “Now come ON, slowpoke!” 

—————————————————————

“How’s the newspaper club working out?” Yuri’s mother asked her, barely touching her dinner. Yuri smiled.

“It’s going well,” she said. “We’ve got four members now.” She took a bite of her food. “I told you about the school dance, right? How I’m a piano understudy?”

“Yes, I think you did.” She put her chopsticks down entirely. “How was therapy today?” 

“Alright,” Yuri replied. “She wants me to start keeping a diary again.”

“Didn’t you say it was too difficult to incorporate into your routine before?” She questioned. “You’re only busier now.”

“I have time before bed,” she said. “Is dad coming to dinner tonight?”

“He’s caught up at work,” she replied. “Your brother should be down soon.” Yuri nodded. “So, tell me about these club members. Are they your friends?”

“Not really,” she said, casually. “Just some people from around school.”

“Well, what are they like?”

“Hmm... well, let’s see, there’s Monika. She’s an honors student. I met her through the band, she’s the main piano player.” 

(She’s desperately texting and calling her boyfriend because he stopped replying three hours ago after threatening to run away and she doesn’t even know what she did but she’s so, so sorry, she just wants him back.)

“Then there’s Sayori. She’s really bubbly and energetic, and funny, too. I like her.”

(She’s anxiously sitting in the hospital waiting room with one of her mothers, trying not to freak out because it’s NORMAL for her mom to collapse, it HAPPENS with her condition, but that doesn’t make it any easier.)

“And there’s also Natsuki. She’s...”

(What is she? She’s tiptoeing through her house, making sure not to step on any creaking floorboards, nervously clutching her skirt. Her stomach is twisted into two solid knots. One for Sayori’s mom in the hospital, the reason she’s home so early. And the other for her safety. Her dad’s home.)

“She’s a little antisocial, but she’s great for conversation. I think we’ll get along.”

“That’s wonderful, Yuri.”

“Yes,” she said, thoughtfully. “It is.”


End file.
